We all miss somebody

Maam, sometimes she is a happy lady like yesterday when she throw ice shavings down my back and I throw some on her hands.. it is so very funny. She was taking a packet drink to use the straw to spray the water at me. The both of us, we keep laughing so much..

At that time is about 4am in the morning and I have no time to sleep yesterday, but it is a happy feeling I get.

Alas, many good feelings cannot last long. At half past four, Maam is again scolding me, and her face change, her heart change and she turns into a monster again.

Sometimes she is calling me a buffalo, sometimes she call me monkey, and other times my name is become smelly Kambeng.

On the skin I am laugh, inside I cry. I have so little sleep and at night it is so hard to sleep. The mattress is so hard, the air is so cold, and my blanket is so thin. Is Jamie thinking of me? Is my husband missing me badly?

It hurts me to have Maam constantly make jokes about my family. But I think Maam also is sad inside just like me. I sense she must miss her father badly. Everyday she point at her father death picture on the altar and saying Ah Gong is watching me because I am always bully Maam and Ama.

Even when she is laughing, I see a small bruise in her eyes like her heart is crying.

Always when I fall down and get a bruise, Maam say is Ah Gong's sprit pushing me down. Sometimes when I clean the altar, I get scared to feel Ah Gong is so angry, looking at me. Can he be thinking as well I am bullying his family?

I wonder, if Ah Gong see who is the big bully here.

Party popper

Today is one unlucky day for me here.

In the morning: I am cleaning the bedroom of Maam, I get very tired and close my eyes, then I am slipping on the mat and knock my head against an odd corner, so my head is bleeding lots. It is feeling pain still from morning until now.

I went to the toilet to wash my head and I had to use so much tissue to clean. I clean, but there is still blood again. I clean, and again I need to clean. The blood keep coming out, never stopping, like raining on the toilet floor. There is so many of my blood on the floor after it happened. I was so afraid to die.

But I hear the keys sounding to the house door, I get even more panic because Ama is back. Until my heart almost stop beating. There is blood coming from my head and at that time I cannot think what I should do.

Ama, when she see the many blood on the floor she get very angry and is scolding me again. Ama have no heart, even when my head have blood. She is scolding the same thing, always repeating. I explain to her but she can't get me always, just scold me again.

Now so late into the night, I am still washing the family clothing. I keep falling asleep, and Maam keep waking me up. She is always finding many new ways to wake me up.

Just now I am sleeping again in the toilet doing the washing, then I hear a loud bang! I am so scared for Singapore to have bombing, but this is a small bomb. I smell smoke, and then I see colorful confetti all over me!

It is a party popper!

It make me so afraid, startled awake. But when I wake up, I hear the family is all laughing so hard outside.

This family's treatment to me is bad, bad, bad.

Owl family

I see the sun rise but I never get any sleep. Maam and I stay awake last night to tidy her many things. Maam have many toys, many clothes, and so much boxes of shoes. Yesterday we pack some, tomorrow we pack some more.

Everyday Maam go to many other places to move new boxes home, and she gets me to do the cleaning again. We tidy so much always. The boxes keep coming, there is so much work for me to do. It is so never ending.

Maam sleep little, but I sleep lesser. Then Maam never have enough sleep, so she is scolding always. She get angry very easily. Just like her, I am not enough sleep too. I get so tired and cannot concentrate to do my work. When she see me sleeping in the day when working, she start scolding again and again. Now she is calling me an owl, because I sleep in the day while working, but I don't want to be.

It is 7am, time to sleep for me. Maam said when Ama wakes up, I must wake up too. It is so unfair. Sometimes I hope Ama don't get up, and I can be sleeping forever too.

I miss Jamie and Papa so much..

Black heart people

When I come to Singapore, the weather is not the same, so hot. Everyday I work here, I sweat so much. In Philippines when I work, I sweat so little. My maam do not like it when I sweat.

She always say I am very smelly. Maam have dog nose, she cannot stand many type of smell, and she can smell all the bad smell so very well. Everyday her children come back from school, she say they smelly. Everyday I clean the floor, she say I smelly. Sometimes I want to fart in her face, so her nose will spoil.

She say smelly is Kambeng. So she call me Kambeng. When she call me she say, 'Kambeng, come here!' Sometimes I do not want to answer her, because my name is Maria, not Kambeng. It makes me very hurt because in my whole life until I come here, nobody call me smelly. Or Kambeng.

What make me most sad is I think I am very smelly also. But I do not dare to tell maam I want to buy deodorant. She do not want to listen to me because she is very angry that I use her Green Tea shower scrub. She say that I always complain my hands pain but still use shower scrub. Maam is so stingy. I am maid but only trying her shower scrub.

I use the shower scrub because that day I see the advertisement on the TV. The girl use the scrub, so beautiful. Her hands, so smooth like Jamie hands. Now my hand everyday so pain, like old lady. Maam say pain is because I sleep in the toilet when I wash clothes, and soak my hands in pail for so long, so my skin spoil.

Maam and Ama always speak to each other in mandarin. Sometimes Ama will give me orders in Mandarin. But I don't understand. I think she is scolding me. When she scolding me, her small chinese eyes open so big like owl, like she want to eat me. So fierce because I use her shower scrub and eat Johnson's chocolate bar and Fiona's doughnut.

Everyday Maam and Ama curse me in Mandarin that's why my hands spoil, my legs spoil, my skin spoil. And my heart is also so spoil, it's so pain to be here.

Not Papa and Jamie, but new family

I fill in the application form, then sign my name on the dotted line. I am to leave a note for my future employer, for one moment I wonder to myself who will read this and on the paper I write:

'Hello Maam. My name is Maria Meiti. I am very hardworking, I can work long hours. If you choose me to work as your house maid, I promise to do everything you say. I can cook well, iron well, and clean the house fast. If you employ me, my promise to you is I will never break contract. I will also love your children like my own. I will not argue to you.
Thank you.'

Then I give the paper to the Maam Jenny at the agency. I smile to her and thank her. She say okay, but she never smile. The agency people smile to everybody but do not like to smile to us.

I do not bother much about agency, because I want a job. Everyday I helping out at my husband stall, In my heart I am waiting so long for a call to come. One day, a call come, is from my employer. She have four children, she sound happy. She want me to work for her.

She ask me if I want to work for her. I say, 'Yes, Maam'.

When she put down the phone, I think for a while and chuckle to myself.. Maam have so many children, I think she is forty years old like me but still have good sex life. :o! But later I become sad, because if I come to Singapore I will have bad sex life.

Big, big, dilemma. It's always so hard to make a choice. I hope the choice I make I will not regret.

For one whole week, I cannot not sleep. I keep thinking, is my employer a nice, kind lady? What if I am homesick? Who will take care of my child, Jamie? Will I really have bad sex life for 2 years? Will my husband stray then? What if my mother fall ill?

I tell my husband and my mother, and they hold my hands and say to me, 'Yes, go. We need the money.

So I go. I kiss Jamie and my husband. I tell Jamie, Mama will come back soon. I will call her and Papa when I reach Singapore, and on her birthday every year.

Jamie look at me and ask me, what bout Mama birthday? Will Mama have birthday cake? Who give Mama birthday cake? Not Papa and Jamie? Will family cut the cake with you? Will your cake be chocolate? Can I come and blow your candles with you? Or can I airmail a cake to you?

I tell her, 'You cannot come, but yes, the family there will treat me very good, and Mama will come home with so much money to buy things for you.'

'The many Barbie doll?'

'Yes, and so much more.'

I cry at the door when I leave my home. On the airplane I pray to lord Jesus, please take me through this journey safely, let nothing bad happen to me or my family. But I think he never hear.